A pity this man is gone, now I am the only left over to tell stuff like 'And now your throats will get cut'. Or stuff like 'Local authorities, I will bring blood triggering stories to you'.  Because we must never forget that from some 'juridical safe' point of view it could be very wise to carve my orders into this kind of talk. All will laugh and the end result is covered in (good=local prosecuting) blood. Oh oh, you cannot understand how much I love this; All what I say is completely fake and completely nonsense but I will have my 30 or 30+ in some story. I will, uc.
Now we start quotation in four text rules:
Uno
Douzo
Triéze&
Qaàtttrrrrooooo: Friday, April 11, 2003 Posted: 3:39 PM EDT (19:39 GMT)

-- Current Quote of the Day, 4/10 --

NO! M.S.S did not show up for work. However, our intrepid editors have been able to find his actual, final quote from Tuesday. As usual, we are not making this up:
"I NOW INFORM YOU THAT YOU ARE TOO FAR FROM REALITY.".

-- Current Un Quote of the Day, 4/10 --

Also, by popular request we now proudly present the "pencil quote":
"The authority of the civil defense ... issued a warning to the civilian population not to pick up any of those pencils because they are booby traps," he said, adding that the British and American forces were "immoral mercenaries" and "war criminals" for such behavior.
"I am not talking about the American people and the British people," he said. "I am talking about those mercenaries. ... They have started throwing those pencils, but they are not pencils, they are booby traps to kill the children."

Honorable mention in the "I wish I was M.S.S." category goes to Mohsen Khalil, Iraq's Ambassador to the Arab League for this beauty:
"Iraq will not be defeated. Iraq has now already achieved victory - apart from some technicalities."

-- The All Time Greats --

"There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!"

"My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all"

"Our initial assessment is that they will all die"

"I blame Al-Jazeera - they are marketing for the Americans!"

"God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Iraqis."

"surrender or be burned in their tanks."

"No I am not scared and neither should you be!"

"We have them surrounded in their tanks"

Britain "is not worth an old shoe."

Of US troops: "They are most welcome. We will butcher them."

"We will welcome them with bullets and shoes."

"Washington has thrown their soldiers on the fire".

"They're not even [within] 100 miles [of Baghdad]. They are not in any
place. They hold no place in Iraq. This is an illusion ... they are
trying to sell to the others an illusion."

"They do not even have control over themselves! Do not believe them!"

"Faltering forces of infidels cannot just enter a country of 26 million people and lay besiege to them! They are the ones who will find themselves under siege. Therefore, in reality whatever this miserable Rumsfeld has been saying, he was talking about his own forces. Now even the American command is under siege."

"They tried to bring a small number of tanks and personnel carriers in through al-Durah but they were surrounded and most of their infidels had their throats cut."

"We made them drink poison last night and Saddam Hussein's soldiers and his great forces gave the Americans a lesson which will not be forgotten by history. Truly."

"On this occasion, I am not going to mention the number of the infidels who were killed and the number of destroyed vehicles. The operation continues"

"We're giving them a real lesson today. Heavy doesn't accurately describe
the level of casualties we have inflicted."

"I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have
started to commit suicide under the walls of Baghdad. We
will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly."

"Their infidels are committing suicide by the hundreds on the gates of Baghdad. Be assured, Baghdad is safe, protected."

"NO", snapped Mr al-Sahaf, "We have retaken the airport. There are NO
Americans there. I will take you there and show you. IN ONE HOUR!"

"We defeated them yesterday. God willing, I will provide you
with more information. I swear by God, I swear by God, those
who are staying in Washington and London have thrown these
mercenaries in a crematorium."

"Please, please! The Americans are relying on what I called yesterday a desperate and stupid method."

"They will be burnt. We are going to tackle them"

"We blocked them inside the city. Their rear is blocked"

"Desperate Americans"

"Today we slaughtered them in the airport. They are out of Saddam International Airport. The force that was in the airport, this force was destroyed."

"Their casualties and bodies are many."

[On surrenders] "Those are not Iraqi soldiers at all. Where did they bring them from?"

"Just look carefully, I only want you to look carefully. Do not repeat the lies of liars. Do not become like them. Once again, I blame al-Jazeera before it ascertains what takes place. Please, make sure of what you say and do not play such a role."

"Search for the truth. I tell you things and I always ask you to verify what I say. I told you yesterday that there was an attack and a retreat at Saddam's airport."

"You can go and visit those places. Nothing there, nothing at all. There are Iraqi checkpoints. Evrything is okay."

"This boa, the American columns, are being besieged between Basra and other towns north, west, south and west of Basra....Now even the American command is under siege. We are hitting it from the north, east, south and west. We chase them here and they chase us there."

"By God, I think this is rather very unlikely. This is merely a prattle. The fact is that as soon as they reach baghdad gates, we will besiege them and slaughter them....Wherever they go they will find themselves encircled."

"Listen, this explosion does not frighten us any langer. The cruise missiles do not frighten anyone. We are catchign them like fish in a river. I mean here that over the past two days we managed to shoot down 196 missiles before they hit their target."

"Blair...is accusing us of executing British soldiers. We want to tell him that we have not executed anybody. They are either killed in battle, most of them get killed because they are cowards anyway, the rest they just get captured."

"They fled. The American louts fled. Indeed, concerning the fighting waged by the heroes of the Arab Socialist Baath Party yesterday, one amazing thing really is the cowardice of the American soldiers. we had not anticipated this."

"the louts of colonialism."

"The forces of American colonialism began to drop containers that produce a sound explosion, a very huge sound. I remind you that they said that their strategy is based on shock and awe. Those failed ones manufactured a type of container that has an explosive substance, which they drop. They cause a very huge explosion in terms of sound, as if the universe was shaken. After a while, you go out and you don't find anything. You find some nails, screws, pieces of metal, but the important thing here is the sound. Those failed ones think that through the huge sound explosion, people would be shocked and consequently would collapse and be defeated. What happened? The contrary. The fighters..., the masses..., and the heroic sons of the Iraqi tribes discovered this game. They will turn it against the American louts so as to shock them. Wait for surprises, God willing, to see how the US game will fail."

"The shock has backfired on them. They are shocked because of what they have seen. No one received them with roses. They were received with bombs, shoes and bullets. Now, the game has been exposed. Awe will backfire on them. This is the boa snake. We will extend it further and cut it the appropriate way."

"It has been rumored that we have fired scud missiles into Kuwait. I am here now to tell you, we do not have any scud missiles and I don't know why they were fired into Kuwait."

"As for the mercenaries who advanced to the perimeters of Saddam International Airport, I would like to remind you of something. I will mention something that will make the picture clear for you and help you to understand what took place at Saddam International Airport. Most of you probably saw the American movie "Wag the Dog". I hope you remember it. Some of their acts that took place at dawn yesterday and today are similar to what happened in "Wag the Dog". If we succeed in keeping them isolated on that island, and we are determined to do so, we might let them taste a second mini Dien Bien Phu tonight. The European journalists remember it well. Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they surrender to us quickly. They are completely surrounded now. This morning, the number of armoured personnel carriers that were destroyed, along with their occupants, is eight. The number of the tanks destroyed is 11."

"Tonight, we will do something unconventional against them. This means: not by the military. We will do something that I believe will become a pretty example for those mercenaries. I would not be giving out a secret when I say that action in the dark against such mercenaries is effective, not through the action of armies. I say that dropping down those mercenaries in a surprise fashion at Saddam Airport without accurate calculations is largely meant for showing things. It's a showy operation. It is a kind of surprise muscle flexing to the world to show it that the shock and awe operation is indeed successful. May they be accursed. Through this operation [shock and awe], they sent a number of their villains and mercenaries to be butchered. Again, and according to my early estimates, unless the remaining part of their soldiers surrender, the chance for their survival is very slim. The surprising thing is that after they threw their soldiers into a place where they are not aware of the real results, the villainous Americans, like Powell and the others, sat in Europe to discuss how to divide Iraq as spoils after the war [laughing]. This means what's post-war. The post-war [Iraq] will be the same current Iraq under the leadership of President Saddam Husayn."

"We will pursue them as war criminals. We will work with all the free people in the world, and they are many, who want someone to bell the cat [i.e.; to do a daring deed], and now we are belling the cat, according to the famous [Arabic] saying so as to rid the UN of those villains. After Iraq aborts the invasion that is being carried out by the American and British villains, the USA will no longer be a superpower. Its deterioration will be rapid. I say to those villains who are meeting in Europe, thinking of launching psychological war and brainwashing: wait. Do not be hasty because your disappointment will be huge. You will reap nothing from this aggressive war, which you launched on Iraq, except for disgrace and defeat. Iraq will continue to exist. Its civilization is 10,000 years old. It will not be changed by villains like the US and British villains."

"W. Bush, this man is a war criminal, and we will see
that he is brought to trial"

"I think the British nation has never been faced with a tragedy like this fellow [Blair]."

"The United Nations....[is] a place for prostitution under the feet of
Americans."

"They are sick in their minds. They say they brought 65 tanks into center
of city. I say to you this talk is not true. This is part of their sick mind."

"They are superpower of villains. They are superpower of Al Capone."

"Iraqi fighters in Umm Qasr are giving the hordes of American and Brtish
mercenaries the taste of definite death. We have drawn them into a
quagmire and they will never get out of it."

"What they say about a breakthrough [in Najaf] is completely an illusion. They are sending their warplanes to fly very low in order to have vibrations on these sacred places . . . they are trying to crack the buildings by flying low over them."

"Their forces committed suicide by the hundreds. ... The battle is very
fierce and God made us victorious. The fighting continues."

"Yesterday, we slaughtered them and we will continue to slaughter them."

"We will push those crooks, those mercenaries back into the swamp"

"When we were making the law, when we were writing the literature and the mathematics the grandfarthers of blair and little bush were scratching around in caves"

About Bush: "the leader of the international criminal gang of bastards."

About Bush and Rumsfeld: "Those only deserve to be hit with shoes."

Comment: Ah, I love this kind of talk. But my dear info minister what is true of all those 'body torn apart' and all those 'plastic shredding devices' and 'chemical bath' and 'nail ripping out' stories? Or families receiving a bag with body parts? How about that? 
May be all I was thinking that if there was some kernel of truth in it, some war was justified. All that WMD stuff was not really important to me, and to tell the truth a bit; 'A few days before that 48 hour ultimatum was placed I was thinking that indeed almost all WMD stuff was gone'.
But I just kept my big keyboard born mouth, I just kept my mouth. (But I am telling the truth in the fact that my knees did got weak right at that point, I did got some weak knees.)
And after all the fun I hope the future of Iraq will be better, there is enough patriotism to build a country upon. Give it a try, it is hard and difficult but just try to make some Dutch country in your own way (do not copy the American way, they need some transforms too...).

__________________________________________

After comment I will try to imitate the minister a bit, here we go; 

Oh you stupid local authorities, all you six year old daughters will be raped by big dogs. Preferably big German Shepherds. And after this all your women are forced to bite of the balls of their sons and all the fathers are ordered to watch this.
And you will all fall out of bed in the middle of the night at 3.00 hours exactly. All males working for the local and corrupt government who try to ring my doorbell will find out that their penis just falls off. Really true.
And if you do not have a penis but big big tits and you try to ring my doorbell to enforce the stupid orders of the corrupt&drugs driven local government, ha: your tits will fall from your body. These all are simple facts and they will happen to you as anyone can see.
More facts are so simple: When you are a female employee to this evil Dutch government you will have the heavy desire to get some scissors and to cut off those ugly brown parts of your pussy lips. Yes, so simple fact is this. Just rub your pussy and make it wet and simply cut the brown parts away with your scissors! Everyone can do this!
So much more is so simple: On 13 October this year exactly 63.0% of the entire government population will feel the need to commit suicide! Really true! But you must not do this suicide! I want you to die slowly from horrible diseases so try to get one! Really two.

And now for the Dutch pm Mr. Balkenende, the Info Minister orders this BeamerEnding to transform into the Beamer Solution! Yes you BeamerEnding, you are the Beamer Solution and we all know that this Solution was the exact way the Twin Towers did collapse so your next cabinet has to collapse two! Really three, anyone can count on this. 

End of the minister fun, big fun it was. So to share the big fun a bit we look at the work below. It was made by the Iraqi minister on erotic art (really four doubles):