The fine art of making heavenly soup.


Posted 10 June 2002.

Back home        Story index
ThisOldCity, date postmark.


Introduction to this story: This is the story of Reinko, a lot of vegetables and some fishfingers and 100 grams of  shrimps. Reinko will show you a way to make vegetable soup yourself, so you do not need to buy ready made soup from the super market.

Characters to the story (or play):

  • Reinko, you know his character a bit by now. Thinks he can do almost anything and always come away with it. This time he will cook soup from vegetables, will he come away with it again?

  • The vegetables, they will be smeared out and cut into many pieces. And boiled heavily after.

  • The three axes and a set of chain saws are at the scene too. Also a lot of sharp knifes are there to attack all the vegetables.

  • The fish is there, and so much Reinko hopes the fish is caught before the African coast. (Fished up by that superlarge fishing boat that in the entire Europe not can be administered as some fishing boat. Simply because it is too large and therefore it empties the African fishing grounds, perfect isn't it?)


Legal remark; In the text below, when I say 'vegetables soup' it could also mean 'fish&vegetables soup'. So do not run to the police to fill in some complaint about this.

Power remark; Today I did read into the news paper that the American government did make a law that do permits them to invade the Dutch landscape under certain conditions. It was told it had something to do with the International CourtHouse that is going to be here in Holland. Do you buy that crap? Watch out America, I think you are on very dangerous grounds with this. We are a democracy you know, and does this country have some law to invade America? Watch out, just watch out on this....


Take a big pan and put 3 to 4 liter water in it and put it on the fire.

Now take the vegetables, for example 3 to 4 hundred grams of onions, leek, carrots, cauliflower, 4 to 6 pieces of garlic and some broccoli. You could use other vegetables too if you would like that of course.
In case the vegetables are pre cut already you can skip the next phase:

Wash the vegetables carefully and precise, remove all the mud because in the slimy mud the worms live. And slimy worms are a symbolism to American soldiers and we do not want any slimy worm in our vegetables soup.
Now you prepare your chain saws and clean you axes and other heavy cutting tools. After that you lay all things ready and you take a very deep breath and when your lungs filled with air you shout as hard as you can to the vegetables: "I will destroy your shape and being from the face of this planet, I will smear you out and will boil a lot of your cells into weak and slimy stuff. And after you are slimy I will turn you into real shit and into real pee. Ha! But not all cells of you will face this destiny, no no the rest will be thrown into the garden and I will pee on you and I will shit on you day in day out. And in a thousand generations my followers and true believers thinking with light will still pee on you and shit on you day in day out. Just like on the Americans, ha!"

And now you attack the vegetables harsh, you use all your chain saws, axes and heavy cutting devices. It is one big orgy of heavy violence and all the vegetables are smeared out and their shape is totally gone from the face of this planet. Yes! Victory is here and some vegetable smearstuff is even found on the ceiling.

But if you are not in the mood to shout to the vegetables, you could say something else. For example, you could fall down on your knees and you start praying to the vegetables like; "My dear vegetables, your building blocks are so strong and so healthy to my body. May this humble servant of a better and greener future ask you to give your body to me? So I can feed on you and in return I will promise I take good care of your children and their childrens children. And they will grow in my big garden into good soil and they will be fed day in day out by the NewBornSun. Please may I use your body to make the most heavenly soup ever made, please? And please, after my nonworthy body has taken all the energy it could get from your delicious content, let me please use the holy leftovers to feed to your children? Just like the holy Americans, just please?"  

Now we are done with the cutting etc, we put the cut vegetables into the pan. Now we look for rice, put 3 to 4 hands rice into the soup. Also look for pasta stuff like macaroni, spaghetti or vermicelli. Use small pasta brocks or break it to make it into small pieces. There is no reason to shout, why shout at pasta? Put one or two hands pasta in the pan.

Salt can be added too, but if you have little children to feed do not use it now but later when you eat it. The little children must have only very little amounts of salt needed so put it later in it.

And for the herbs into the vegetable soup you must use four to six pieces of the following (in Dutch):

  • Kruidenblokjes voor het koken van PASTA, merk Extracto en het komt bij de Albert Heijn weg. Or (Francois):

  • Cubes aux Úpices pour la cuisson des PATES.

The (trade)mark is Knorr. These spice cubes (that is something different compared to the spice girls who had great spice pussies, oh oh now let enter your mind all those beautiful spice girls showing perfect pussy, oh what a dream) contain Italian herbs (Dutch=Met Italiaanse kruiden, French=Aux herbes Italienes). But if you only have other herbs you have to use them, so make some choice. And you simply do not say that spice cubes for pasta are not fit for soup, in that case you cannot think creative and being unable to think creative is a great sin. Yes a great sin this is, so think with light! 

Also some vegetable oil has to be put in the pan, here into the Dutch landscape we also have some kind of fake butter called margarine, that can be used. At most 100 grams, make it not too greasy so 70 grams or so.

Now we let it boil for about half an hour, take tree to four fish fingers (called fish sticks around here). Put them into little pieces and add the pieces to the soup. Also you do not shout, why shout at fish fingers?
If you have luck and you have also enough money for 100 grams of shrimps, let it boil for another 15 or 20 minutes on low fire and let the soup cool down after that.
And of course we all hope the fish is caught before the African coast by that big big super big fishing boat. So we will have fat bellies and the local fisherman has nothing to fish at anymore! Hurray, a big victory for our superior economical system, sorry winner takes all. Winner takes all.

You can now eat the soup, but if you wait a few hours the paste will get more softer and bigger and at that point the soup is perfect.


So now you know how to cook some soup, do not use meat unless you slaughtered the animal itself. And if you can not do that you are totally unworthy, just like the Americans.



Tip: Instead of only four fish fingers one can also take 14 or even 24 fish fingers, a bit of meshed Spanish peppers are also good for the taste of course. Well see what you make of it, as long as you can cook with an anti-American attitude your likelyhood for service in heaven will increase...  

Now we close this story of the heavenly soup, bye readers. Love you all. 


End of story.



Back home        Story index